l'amour fait mal

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I’m drowning in a pool of sorrow but their is no lifeguard in sight to drag me out, and the matter is I am the one who dug the hole, filled it myself and jumped in head first.
I realise I’m running out of time my eyes are closing, my lungs are filling up with unattainable doubt more and more with every draw of breath I try to make that I don’t have the will to swim up, will I just float up in due time as only the shell of person of who I used to be, because that’s all you left me.
The question I’m posed with is do I need preserverance and preservation or acceptance that the weight of the void you left behind in me is what is keeping me under the water drowning…grasping…asleep…hurt.